Why We Should Ask for Help

I recently listened to a moving TED Talk by Michele L. Sullivan titled, “Asking for Help is a Strength, Not a Weakness.” In her speech, Michele touches on the fact that we can never truly walk in someone else’s shoes. And although we might be able to see some physical challenges, there are far more that we cannot see. She encourages her audience to reach out to others and be a part of their support systems. She ends her speech by crediting all of the people who have helped her achieve success and that we, as each other’s support system, have the power to change society. 

Wow. Talk about an inspiring message!

Michele’s TED Talk brought to my attention the importance of not only helping others, but also helping ourselves. I think so often we focus more on what we can do for everyone else and less on what people can do for us. I’m not trying to say that we should solely rely on someone else to do our work, but think about how much could be achieved when we work together. When was the last time you asked for help? Was it recently? Can you remember? Looking back on my experiences, I know I could not have achieved any sort of success or opportunity without asking people to help me. To be honest, all of us could probably use some sort of help every single day. So why do we neglect to ask for help when we need it? Are we afraid to look weak or vulnerable?  

We are taught early on by our parents, teachers, government leaders, and so on about the importance of helping and putting others’ needs before our own. There is nothing wrong with living life this way, and there are countless benefits to lending a helping hand. However, there are numerous advantages to asking for help as well. As Michele stated, when we ask for help, we show a sign of strength. We recognize our resources and utilize those to help us reach our dreams, goals, needs, etc. We can accomplish so much more when we reach out and allow people to assist us.

So, what are the benefits of asking for help?

Not surprising, they are quite similar to the benefits of helping others.

When we ask for help, we open the door to meeting new people. You never know what friendship could form from simply asking someone for their help. During Michele’s talk, she mentions the friendships she developed at the airport with the staff who assisted her. Most of the friends that Bryce made during his college career were the people who helped him every semester. Asking a co-worker for help on a project or someone to assist you up the stairs could lead to a friendship that might not have ever formed had we not asked for their help.

Next, we become happier people when we ask for help. How often do you feel stressed and overwhelmed when you are struggling with something? How often does that stress diminish when you receive the help that you need? When we struggle with a task, we begin to lose sight on what we are working on or towards. However, with help, our moods lighten and we develop a sense of relief. We then refocus on the task ahead of us and usually obtain our goal quicker. Likewise, the helper will also become happier for knowing that they helped someone in a time of need.

Lastly, we show our strength when we ask for help.

How does that work? In many ways, actually.

First, we show strength when asking for help by expressing our seriousness in what we are working towards. It shows the helper that we are aware of what we can do on our own and where we could benefit from their help. Secondly, we show our strength by stepping outside our comfort zones. It’s easy to stay inside our box where we feel safe and content, but it can also keep us from moving forward. It might be difficult to make that first move in asking for help, but I promise it is much more difficult to overcome obstacles on our own. Finally, we show our strength in asking for help by simply showing our strength. I love this quote by motivational speaker Les Brown, “Ask for help, not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong.” This. Speaks. Volumes. We are strong human beings, no matter our physical appearances, and we can only get stronger from the help of others.

It’s perfectly fine if you need help finishing a paper for class or finding the restroom in a stadium. It’s okay if you need assistance reading a restaurant menu or crossing the street. It’s acceptable to ask for help to tie your shoes or to reach an item on the top shelf. The task, whether small or large, does not matter. What truly matters is that you don’t give up on yourself and that you allow your support system to help you get to the next step, even if it is exactly that.

 

Lessons Beyond the Dinner Table

I met Bryce during our freshmen year of college at the University of Evansville. My friend Marian had a class with him, and she offered to help him get his meals throughout the semester. I would often meet them for lunch and dinner in the cafeteria and got to know Bryce through this. One evening early in the semester, I offered to help Bryce get his dinner. To be honest, I was nervous and intimidated by this task I had just set up for myself. Prior to meeting Bryce, I had never met or interacted with a blind person, and I wasn’t quite sure how to act around him. I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing, such as “See you later!” or point to something without thinking. But, nevertheless, I had offered to help him and couldn’t back down now.

I led Bryce through the maze of students in the cafeteria, attempting to get his salad, entre, and dessert(s) without bumping into too many people or poles. I thought to myself, “Bryce is completely trusting me to guide him. I’ve got to stay aware of my surroundings for the both of us.” Thankfully, the students were also aware of us and we made it through with only a few bumps. I led him past the checkout line and to an empty table. I set down his tray and placed his silverware to the side. I pulled out his chair and described where I placed his food before going back to get mine. Bryce stood there, putting away his cane and began laughing hysterically. Did I do something funny? I was confused, and slightly offended, as to why he would be laughing at me after I helped him. Still puzzled, I asked him what was so funny. He told me that I didn’t need to pull his chair out or describe where I placed his dinner and utensils. He said he could do those things on his own.

I walked back up to get my food and thought over what had just happened. I was SO nervous that I would mess up helping Bryce, that I let myself treat him as though he was incapable of doing even the most minor tasks. I got my dinner and returned to the table to eat with him. We talked and laughed the remainder of the time, and I quickly realized that Bryce wasn’t so different from me (except for his sports knowledge that far exceeds mine). We were both freshmen students, still adjusting to a college schedule. We were studying for exams, making friends, and attending campus events throughout the week. As the years went on, I continued to help Bryce with his meals and we grew to become good friends.

Bryce often speaks to groups about how much I, among many others, helped him throughout college. Yet, I don’t think he quite realizes the impact he leaves on everyone he meets. Throughout the years of knowing Bryce, I have learned that people with disabilities are just…people. Bryce taught me that you don’t have to be nervous or intimidated by someone who is different than you, and that it’s okay to ask questions if you are unsure. He helped me understand that it’s not about what’s holding you back from your dreams, whether it be a physical, mental, or emotional disability, but about the drive and the people who help you overcome those challenges along the way.

-Diane McFeaters

 

I enjoy speaking with groups of people because it gives me an opportunity to share stories about my experiences during my life. It does not matter if I am speaking to a group of athletes or a company, I can find a way to connect with people. I like to talk about how I have overcome obstacles, despite people doubting my ability to work in sports or commentate sports on the radio. Through these speeches, I hope to inspire others that they can overcome any obstacle that is put in their place if they only try. In addition to my motivational speeches, I also enjoy talking about people who have helped me learn more about sports, such as my good friend Coach Brad Stevens, and people who helped me during my time in college. With the assistance of many students at the University of Evansville and Western Illinois, I was able to make it through college. My friends not only helped me in the cafeteria, but also assisted me with other things, such as shooting free throws or driving me somewhere. I am thankful for each person who took the time to help me through my years of schooling. I always tell groups that a person does not have to be famous, or have a famous job title, to make an impact on another person’s life.

At the end of each speech, I talk about how everyone, if not all of the people in the room, are living my dream of being able to see. Each person has something they would like in life, and for me, this is being able to see. I talk about how being blind has changed my life because I do not believe I would have as deep of an appreciation for people if I was born with vision. I know if I am never able to see, that I will still need people to help me in my life, and I am thankful for all of the people who have been willing to help me. Being blind has taught me that there are many things I can do on my own, but there are also things I need help with first, such as learning how to navigate a route around a college campus or how to cross an unfamiliar street. It is nice to know I have people who support me and wish me success in life. I conclude my speeches with telling group members to never take anything in life for granted, because they never know when something in their life could change.

-Bryce Weiler